What Happened to Farmer Joe?

In my house we talk about the disappearance of Farmer Joe as if an actual family member has mysteriously disappeared. Farmer Joe is a Little Person - of the Fisher Price clan. We're not exactly sure what did Farmer Joe in. There's still a chance he's just in hiding (and who would blame him). He could be under a bed or behind a bookshelf. Who's to say really. But given what I know has gone down with a few of his friends, I'm not optimistic about his return.

When toys disappear, especially toys with faces, I can't help but think of Toy Story. How awful would it be to a child's toy! Sure there are adventures and hugs, but not every toy gets to be Woody. Toddlers love to send their toys on walkabouts. Often, those toys don't come back.

Em has been shaking down the toy community for a while now. First there were the dinosaur magnets. Originally collected from cereal boxes, they've been living a fairly peaceful existence on the fridge for the last six years. But now it seems two of those dinosaurs have become extinct. This morning I rescued another from near extinction after he went for a flight off our second floor balcony.

Emily has discovered the garbage can and I have discovered that it's become my job to check that can every 20 minutes to see if anyone has been dumped like a dead body in a land fill.  I've discovered plastic farm hay, animals and rings, but I fear Farmer Joe was dumped before I was aware any of this was happening. I fear his will become a cold case, never to be solved.

Bumps Don't Just Disappear

For the most part I could really care less about the Royals. In those moments over the last few years when the world seems to be making a huge brouhaha over whatever Kate, William, Harry or even Pippa has done I'll pop in to see what all the fuss is about and then tune it out. But I don't live under a rock, and when I saw the Royal couple make their first post-birth appearance, I noticed exactly what this article pointed out. Kate still had a bump and she wasn't afraid to show it.

I must admit I was genuinely surprised to see it. I am well aware that bodies don't bounce back like a rubber band right after you give birth. I've had a baby after all. But celebrities try to defy nature by always looking amazing in their first post-pregnancy photos. To see a high profile mom not afraid to show the world she's human (at least in this one limited respect) was refreshing.

I remember right after Em was born being visited by one of my husband's friends. He's a guy that's pretty rough around the edges and also likes to say whatever he is thinking and generally in the most offensive way possible. He was just driving by and we brought the baby out to meet him. He took one look at my belly and said "You're still fat." I don't think I've worn the dress I was wearing that day since as his comment has stayed with me.

So good for Kate. There aren't a lot of similarities between her life and the rest of us, but here's one of them.

Hump Day

I really hate terms like "hump day" but when Wednesday rolls around I feel it in my bones. There isn't anything better on TV on Wednesdays but there really should be 'cause watching TV is pretty much the only thing I want to do. From 8:05 to 8:30 I think I literally watched as the minutes ticked by on the clock in the hallway. The reason for that being Em goes to bed at 8:30pm and my husband would also be heading out the door. I was looking forward to quiet.

I miss quiet. It feels a lot more precious when you have kids. Those rare special moments when you are truly alone. And I don't want to do anything productive. There are a million more life affirming things I could be doing but I won't be doing any of them. It's hump day. And all I want to do is lay on my couch and read blogs. All I want to hear is the helicopter that is apparently circling an apartment building nearby. And I will hold my breath slightly in the hopes that I don't hear a cry coming from the bedroom or a key in the lock signaling that my mother-in-law is home. And I will enjoy every silent second of it.

Happy Birthday Em!

Em turned one year old this weekend. It's amazing how that year flew by. She's already a little person with a mind of her own.

Because nothing every goes smoothly, the day started off a little rocky. My husband went straight into drill sergeant mode - barking orders at everyone on how to most efficiently get out of the house and over to the park before any of our guests. Preparations involved three trips to Whole Foods, a stop at Sprinkles cupcakes and several trips to the car to load supplies.

Thankfully the spot we wanted at the Old Zoo was totally open or I think he would have seriously lost his shit. He was pretty close to it for the first hour. Especially after he accidentally dropped a bottle of glass lemonade causing us to be swarmed by wasps. Thankfully guests arrived fashionably late and everyone was relaxed and happy for the rest of the day.

I really wasn't sure how to celebrate a one year-old's birthday. After all she's never had a birthday and has no clue what it is. In the end we decided to keep it really small, mostly family in the park for a picnic. 'Cause really first birthdays are all about the first taste of cake.

We went with cupcakes. Sprinkles made a special cupcake for the royal baby, so it seemed appropriate that this should be the cupcake of choice for our little princess. Chocolate cupcake with a marshmallow center (in either pink or blue).

Em loved  every bite (actually except for the pink marshmallow) which she threw under the table to be eaten by a random pug that wandered by as the party was wrapping up.

She was super excited when everyone sang Happy Birthday to her and in typical fashion her favorite gift was a bag full of tissue paper.

With smiles like that, I would say the party was a success. 

Emotional Neo

One time, in college, I burst out laughing when my boyfriend caught on fire in the kitchen. His sleeve was too close to a flame and as his arm lit up I stood back and laughed while he flailed around until my roommate came in and helped put him out.

My husband (previously flammable boyfriend) has said in a zombie apocalypse he knows I'm turning and he'll have to take care of zombie me and feed me people or something and that the whole thing makes him kind of angry. (Yes, we've had this actual conversation.) I tend to agree that I probably wouldn't be one of the ones to make it. I don't have any real physical survival skills.

What I do have are emotional survival skills. I am good in an emotional crisis. I compartmentalize. I can separate emotions from fact. I can be reasonable in unreasonable times. It's what makes me a good producer. It doesn't upset me to look at worse case scenarios. Instead I get the kind of tunnel vision Robert Downey Jr. had in Sherlock Holmes - I see the outcomes and can choose the best actions. This is something that kicks in like instinct.

I am also completely neurotic. Like a flawed Batman-like super hero. I can show up and save the day but then go back to my bat cave and not deal with the emotional baggage that got me to wearing a mask and hiding in a cave with bats to begin with. But maybe it's just true that it can be easier to deal with other people's shit than it can be to deal with our own.

Maybe I'm an emotional crisis junkie. Instead of getting worked up into a tizzy when true crisis (not manufactured hysteria) hits I am overcome with a sense of calm and slip into a zen state. Not that I seek out emotional instability (I live in Los Angeles after all, it's hard to avoid it). it's just that sometimes I feel like I can handle a crisis better than I can handle every day life.