Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Let's Be Honest - Brownies Are Not a Food Group

Earlier today a friend of mine was telling me how much he wish he could play guitar. He's always passionately wanted to play. He sometimes dreams about pulling out a guitar when he's with his girlfriend and playing her a song. He wants it so badly and has for years and yet, he admits he doesn't want it badly enough to actually learn how to play. He can't read music and the strings of the guitar hurt his fingers. It was such an honest confession and it really hit me - that's the way I feel about a lot of things.

One of those things is healthy eating. I really want to eat healthy. I'd love to know how to cook. I fantasize sometimes of the amazing meals I would cook for friends and family. I want it so bad - but not enough to actually put in the effort. As much as I would love to BE healthy, I don't seem to want it enough to actually drop that brownie and pick up the broccoli.

Until now.

Like many things in my life now, the major psychic turning point has been my daughter. Before she was born I, like many moms-to-be, thought I would make her food from scratch. I have a few baby cookbooks that I would actually read like novels before going to sleep. I was really excited when I friend gave me her all-in-one baby food cooker. I went out and bought fresh fruit and cut those suckers down, steamed and pureed and placed it in front of Em...and found that she wanted nothing to do with it. Maybe it was the consistency or the newness of it all, but whatever it was it took all of two tries before my husband and I gave up.

As much as people will say it isn't, making baby food is time consuming. Sure, it doesn't take hours, but it still takes sometime and we decided we'd rather spend that time doing something else. So up until Em's first birthday she mostly lived on a diet of milk and Earth's Best jarred food. It's been kind of great. To be honest, she's had a more varied and interesting diet than I have. And have you ever tasted that stuff? It's pretty yummy. I'd totally have their Apple Cinnamon Oatmeal for breakfast any day.

But lately jars just aren't cutting it. My little girl is becoming an independent woman, a lot more interested in feeding herself and she doesn't want it to be soup.

And it's hit - I need to learn how to feed my kid. It's amazing what you discover as a parent. That the simplest things are sometimes the most overwhelming. Sleeping, pooping, eating. Things as an adult you completely take for granted become all consuming. What can she eat? Am I feeding her enough? But even more importantly what should she eat?

We've decided to feed her a little bit of what we eat for dinner every night. This has really shone a spotlight on our own eating habits. Yes, I need to learn how to feed my kid. But I also really need to learn how to feed myself.

It's been a year since I gave birth and I haven't dropped a pound since that initial loss of the postpartum baby bump. I've watched other moms who had their babies around the same time bounce right back into their skinny jeans and I still add an oversized cardigan to every outfit I leave the house in.

I've wanted to lose the weight, but apparently not enough to actually do what needs to be done to make that happen. And more than just the weight, I don't feel healthy. My husband has kindly decided to also put on an extra 20 pounds over the last year in solidarity, so now we can both attempt to lose them together.

So...adventures in healthy eating start tomorrow. Wish me luck.

Friday, August 23, 2013


Lately I feel like a reality show contestant at their dark moment.  There are things I've done a million times that just don't seem easy anymore, like I'm rusty at living life. I'm one of those self-assured contestants so certain that they knew what they were getting into, but now is having a meltdown. I'm just sitting here waiting for the return from commercial break to see how everything works itself out.

The other day I spoke to happy-go-lucky girl who saw the world as filled with endless possibility. She's only been in LA for two months, but she loves it so much she's thinking of not going back to school to finish her final year and just staying in LA instead.

I don't want to be cynical about stuff like that. It's really easy to be cynical. It's easy to say - you like it cause it's new and you're young and just wait till things get hard. But I don't want to do that. Instead, I want to be like a vampire and suck that enthusiasm right out of her. I need it so badly right now.